my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
