I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
