Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
