I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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