Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
