Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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