I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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