Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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