Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this boner is exhausting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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