I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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