we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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