oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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