Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
