I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I looked at my own cervix.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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