Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
