Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
