I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
