I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
