I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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