you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
