I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
