sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
