I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
