then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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