Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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