life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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