and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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