I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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