It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
