my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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