I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
