so that wasnt chicken after all
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize