The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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