i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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