Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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