dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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