I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
