we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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