yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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