Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just threw up on my dentist
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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