sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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