I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
