There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
