The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
being pregnant is like rehab
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
