Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
