Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
