Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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