Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
