remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
