All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
