Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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