I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
