I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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