i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize