i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
