hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
