the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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