I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
