Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
