Me too!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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