i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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