I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
