i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
