Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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