I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize