they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
how drunk are you?
Several
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
