Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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