Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
