I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize