I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm always down for nudity.
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